How to Respond to Mean-spirited Criticisms
Here are 4 ways to respond to mean-spirited criticism and maintain your self-respect based on very personal experiences. Whether it is about work or relationships or a social media post, some criticisms may be valid but mean-spirited criticisms are uncalled for. Either way, human as we are, we can sometimes fall into the trap of snapping back. We are naturally defensive, and I say, go ahead and defend your integrity but do it so by demonstrating your leadership.
How to respond to mean-spirited criticisms? You Bite, Breathe, Listen
Before responding to mean-spirited criticism, bite your tongue. Bite it once. Then another one. Bite it hard. Bite it until it hurts. Take deep breaths and listen. Listen very carefully and try to keep an open mind so you will be able to understand where the person is coming from. It takes a lot of courage to listen. The better you will be able to understand where the other person is coming from, the better you will be able to address the situation. Good leaders exhibit this role quite obviously. If you know of a friend or a family member who has difficulty in listening, observe him or her, and you’ll recognize that this person isn’t a leader at all.
You received mean-spirited criticisms, ask before you react
When it’s finally time to respond to these mean-spirited criticisms, ask questions. It is easy to go into attack mode. But questions help you stay clear of forceful or confrontational language and assertions. Ask for feedback, and set the tone for dialogue. Focus on facts alone. Strive to be as objective as possible and it would not hurt if you apologize if it is necessary. Remember that mean-spirited criticisms are not a reflection of you but of the person giving them. Do not take it personally.
Face-to-face
Pick up the phone or communicate in person as emails or texts have plenty of room for misinterpretation. Always remember that emails and texts do not carry the tone of voice of the speaker. We read it according to what emotions we have at the time of receipt. Also, talk to another person to gain a different perspective. If you have the opportunity and feel comfortable, share the situation with a colleague, friend, or family member. This person might be able to be more objective and can give you fresh eyes when it comes to analyzing the situation. Always find time to respond to a mean-spirited criticism face-to-face.
Reflect
Reflect on the situation that led to the mean-spirited criticism. The tone of voice is important too. Think of the triggers. There will be times when you really would not understand where the reaction came from but rather than asking “What’s wrong with that person?” ask “What happened to that person that made him a mean-spirited individual?” Strive to be more reflective rather than confrontational when responding to mean-spirited criticisms.
Focus
Responding to mean-spirited criticism can be difficult at times, but remember to listen, ask questions, focus on the facts, and communicate by phone. Reflecting on how you respond to criticism will make you better at addressing them the next time. If a stranger is criticizing you, it is best to ignore it. Other times, as I’ve said earlier, apologize if an apology is warranted. Be human. Listen. Lead.
Do not fall for the trap
If there is one take away for you today, it would be this: Never fall for the trap of snapping back without taking deep breaths and doing all the 4 things I have enumerated. That way, you will be able to keep your grace and self-respect intact. As for the mean-spirited criticism given by a mean-spirited individual, I’m sure he/she has other issues deeper and greater than what he/she has with you. He/she will have to face that sooner or later so for now, continue to be kind and maintain your peace of mind and self-respect.
